Scars of the Past
by LoZa
Summary: A look into Booth and Brennan's feelings after the Season 4 episode Mayhem on the Cross. A little story focusing on the discussions that followed their revelations. B/B
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Just a bit of a look into what I think Booth and Brennan's feelings would be after they shared stories from their childhood. Set after the season 4 episode Mayhem on the Cross. Rating is for darker themes and self-harm._

_Let me know what you think. Reviews would be awesome! :)_

_As always... I own nothing!_

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They stood inches apart, each lost in the other's painful recollection of the past. If they weren't still standing in Sweet's office, he would have pulled her into his embrace. Instead, he just stood there, staring into now glassy eyes.

"Are you ok Bones?" he asked, the worry dripping from his voice.

She nodded; placing the tissue he gave her back into his suit pocket. He felt her hang lingering, pressing against his chest. Her hand was placed against his heart, and he had never felt safer in his entire life.

"We should... you know... Gordon is waiting..." he heard her mutter.

"Oh right, of course. Let's go Sweets" he said, clapping his hand onto the younger mans back. He smiled at her as she linked arms with Sweets and practically dragged him out of the room with her.

He felt a pang in his heart when she didn't smile back.

They spent sinner sitting next to each other, his thigh resting against hers. Dinner was enjoyable, and he was glad they had brought Sweets with them. The kid looked genuinely happy, and the way he kept glancing at Brennan with a look of thankfulness gave him a sense of satisfaction about the whole situation. She had joined in the conversation when needed, but he could tell that she wasn't herself. When Gordon got up to get desert, Sweets following close behind, he placed a tentative hand on her knee.

"Bones..." he started, confused by her quiet behaviour.

She just gulped down more of her wine, quickly finishing what had remained in her glass. She showed no expression at the fact his hand was rested on her knee under the table, and was refusing to meet his gaze.

He groaned, knowing he should have never opened his mouth earlier. There was a reason why he had never brought that story up with anyone, let alone her before.

The only person that knew about it was his grandfather, and that was only because he was the one who found him. If it wasn't for him, he probably would have bled out on his bathroom floor.

She turned at his groan, studying the look of inner turmoil on his face.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" he asked, completely aware at how pathetic he sounded.

"I... I don't know what to say..." she stammered.

His brow creased in anger, worry lines appearing at the corner of his eyes. He roughly rubbed his temple with his hand.

"I knew this would happen. I shouldn't have told you that stupid story. I shouldn't have put my baggage on you like that." He said gruffly, cursing himself as he felt his eyes begin to water.

His gaze shifted as he felt her hand over his own. She lifted his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

She squeezed his hand tightly, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Just as she was about to speak, Gordon and Sweets returned, animatedly chatting about some TV show he had never heard of. The guys sat down, and he just couldn't help the grin that had made its way to his face.

He wasn't sure what he was happier about... the fact that Gordon had made his favourite type of pie for dessert, or the fact that she was still holding onto his hand under the table.

Gordon and Sweets left at nearly midnight, Sweets hugging Brennan and shaking his hand with sincere thanks. She said she would help him with the dishes, but he knew that wasn't the real reason. After doing the dishes in comfortable silence, making small talk about dinner and Gordon and Sweets, they headed his living room. She sat down on his couch, and he moved to the liquor he had stashed in the corner of the room. He grabbed an unopened bottle of scotch and two glasses before joining her.

"What we did for Sweets tonight... It was really good..." he said as he poured.

"Gordon was definitely right. Sweets latched on to us because he needed us. He's been through so much, and he needed people who had been through similar things to relate to."

"Yup, exactly." He laughed, handing her a glass. "Just like a baby duck."

She smiled at him, sipping at the scotch as he moved a little bit closer to her. He felt the heat push through his veins as his side now rested against hers.

"The way you shared like that, with Sweets and with me. It was really brave Bones." He said seriously, lightly touching her glass with his own.

"You were brave too Booth. I'm sorry if I pushed you into talking when you didn't want to." She said quietly.

He shrugged, playfully bumping her with his body.

"Had to tell someone eventually, I guess"

She nodded, turning her body so she was facing him.

"Me too...I mean it was inevitable that story would come put at some point."

He smiled, his eyes gazing into hers.

"I wouldn't want to tell anyone else Booth." She whispered.

He placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to maintain eye contact.

"Did they really lock you in there for two days?"

She nodded, her hand resting on the top of his arm.

"Over a broken dish...?" he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

He felt her hand grip tighter around his bicep as she nodded again.

"I was very clumsy. And they told me they would do it. I was given fair warning, I should have expected it."

"No. Don't make excuses for what they did to you Bones. What they did was wrong, really wrong. You understand that right?"

She wiped at her eyes, and muttered her agreement quietly.

He was dying to know more about her life back then, but at the same time was too scared to ask because of what she might tell him.

"Did they do anything else to you...?" he asked shakily, closing his eyes briefly to try and focus on her answer.

She gulped back the obvious lump in her throat, and he felt his blood began to boil. His heart was beating so loudly he was sure she would be able to hear it.

"They used to knock me around a bit, hit me when I did something wrong, or spoke back to them, or didn't come home on time. You know, stuff like that..." she trailed off, and if it was even possible his heart began to beat quicker. Something worse was coming, he could tell. She leant forward, her head in her hands, and he placed a comforting hand on her back.

"You can tell me anything Bones..." he said soothingly.

She shook her head vigorously, shrugging out of his touch.

"I can't Booth. It will just upset you, and I don't want to do that to you..." she whispered.

"But it's clearly upsetting you. I'll be fine, don't try and spare me. You should get it off your chest. I want you to feel better..."

She looked back over her shoulder into his deep brown eyes, and she sighed in defeat. He wouldn't leave this alone until she told him.

"Ok... Ok. But if we're really going to do this, I'm going to need another drink..."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N Thanks heaps for the great reviews! So glad you guys are enjoying this story! This chapter deals a little more with Brennan's backstory... as a word of warning there are some not so nice situations about to be described._

_Please let me know what you think!_

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"I have to admit I didn't really think anything of it at first. I was so scared and frightened all the time that I was just happy to have someone to talk to you know..."

Booth gripped her hand tighter, his jaw beginning to clench in anger.

"He was nineteen when I moved in with them, and even though he was only a few years older than me, he was a lot bigger. He was easily 6 foot, and he was a solidly built guy. At first he would just come into my room and hang out. Ask me what I was reading, what schoolwork I was doing. Just normal questions a foster brother would ask."

He heard her voice begin to shake, and he looked up at her carefully.

"The he moved on to questions about more personal things... like how many boys I had dated, or kissed..."

She trailed off, and he nodded at her to show he understood what she meant. He heard her take a deep breath and look over at him. She kept her eyes focused on him for a few seconds, before quickly diverting them to floor in front of her.

"The first time he came into my room at night I was asleep. He woke me up when he got into bed with me. Before I could even ask what he was doing he just grabbed me and pinned him underneath him..."

Booth quickly put his arms around her, holding her body tightly as she began to shake all over.

"And he just kept going... he wouldn't stop. I tried to push him off me but I just couldn't. I went to scream but he just covered my mouth. He told me they were the only family I had, and if I told anyone that they would kick me out."

"Bones... I'm so sorry..." he stuttered, completely thrown off guard.

She pushed herself further into his arms, her head buried against his chest as she cried heavily.

He stroked her hair and told her that everything was alright now. She had him... and he was there to protect her always.

She looked up at him as she wiped at her eyes.

"Thanks" she whispered.

He could see how upset she was, and he knew he should just leave it alone, but something she had said earlier was still relaying in his mind. He was hoping that she had simply mixed up her words, or hadn't meant it as it had sounded.

"Bones... what did you mean when you said the 'first time he came into your room'? Please tell me this didn't happen more than once..." he said urgently, his own eyes beginning to water at the sight of her in his arms.

She didn't answer at first, but he felt her place her hand on his chest. He felt her place her hand across his heart.

"It was more than once Booth." she said quietly, and he thought the perhaps his heart had just ripped itself in two.

"How many times?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Every night for three months... " he felt bile rise up in his throat, and he had never in his life wanted to kill someone as much as he wanted to kill the guy who had done this to her.

"... until I just couldn't take it anymore. I just packed my stuff and got the hell out of there."

His heart was hammering and he suddenly realised why she had put her hand where she did. She was trying to hold his heart together. She knew what she was telling him would break his heart, and she was trying to calm him down.

"I can't believe this... I don't know what to say Bones. What he did to you... what that whole family did to you was unspeakable... I just don't know what to say..." he stammered, feeling at a loss of words for the first time in his life.

"You don't have to say anything. Trust me... you being here and listening to me... not just now but all the time. Your a good man, and you always do more than enough..."

He looked at her questioningly, and she gave him a small smile in return. She lifted her head off his chest and left a lingering kiss on his cheek.

"You are the most amazing person I have ever known Seeley... and that's enough for me..." she whispered, tear stains covering her cheeks, and her breath hot on his ear.

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_Please leave a review! Would be much appreciated! Next chapter will look more into Booth's revelation..._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N Thank you all soooooooo much for the great reviews and the massive number of story alerts that I have had filtering through my inbox over the last few days! It always makes writing more enjoyable when you know you have people reading. So yeah thank you all so much!  
_

_I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this chapter, as some of you have pointed out I am a very angsty writer...and this chapter came out a little soppier than I expected. Ooops! :) I hope that it doesn't seem like Brennan is too out of character, or the Booth is too emotional. Let me know what you think!_

_Oh and I apologise if there are spelling/grammatical errors. I am trying to get this story out as quickly as I can along with the many assignments I should actually be writing. :P  
_

_Loza_

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They sat in silence for over an hour, and it seemed that his heart beat and her shaking had finally slowed down. Her hand was still naturally resting against his heart. He could feel her steady breathing against his chest, her other arm wrapped tightly around his middle. She had just fallen asleep, and she really was clinging to him. He had to admit that he kind of liked the way it felt. It put him at ease, knowing how much she needed him. It was always so hard to get Bones to put her guard down. She had been fiercely independent since they first day he met her. It was a new experience to have her so vulnerably curled up and sleeping against him. He let out a little sigh, wishing that they could have gotten to this point in their relationship under better circumstances.

He felt his own eyes begin to drift closed, and he subconsciously held her a little bit closer to him.

He felt her stir in his arms a while later, and she quickly removed herself from his hold. His eyes jerked awake at the lack of her touch, and he saw her figure heading towards his kitchen. He hopped up quickly after her, cringing as he realised his position on the couch had not agreed with his back. He followed her into the darkness of the room, staring at her as she stood unmoving.

She was leaning on his bench, her head dropped. Her stance made her look defeated, and broken.

'Bones" he called softly, stepping into the kitchen. She turned to face him, briefly smiling, but her bloodshot eyes were a giveaway. She had been crying again.

"I'm sorry Booth. I didn't mean to wake you." she sniffled.

"It's ok. I wasn't really asleep" he said, stepping closer to her.

"I should get going... It's really late..."

"No, please don't go" he said quickly , cutting her off.

"I don't want to impose on you anymore..." she began.

"Your not Bones. Please stay. It's way too late for you to be leaving now...:" he took her hand in his own, forcing her to turn and face him. "I don't want you driving around in the middle of the night ok... you can stay here tonight."

"I'm sorry Booth." she choked out. "I just feel like a real mess right now ..."

He brought a hand to her face, rubbing away the stray tears with his thumb.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you understand me?" he said seriously, his eyes boring into her own.

They were dangerously close, and all he could think about was ow beautiful she was. How she didn't deserve all the shit that had happened to her. He knew deep in his heart that he would never leave her, and he would do anything to make sure she was safe.

He was so lost in his own head that he didn't;t notice her leaning closer to him. He was snapped out of his thoughts and back to reality when he felt her lips softly brush against his.

"Why do you have to be so good to me Booth?" she whispered against his lips.

"You know why Bones. You know how I feel about you."

She looked up at him, their faces remaining only inches apart.

He kissed her again, silencing her and smiling at her standard response for things that were jokes, puns or too emotional for her to deal with. He was hoping she had said it because of the latter option.

He felt her deepen the kiss, pulling his closer to her by the front of his shirt.

In a matter of seconds, he had her pinned against his kitchen wall, his body pushed against her own as he kissed her passionately.

"Booth..." she murmured against his mouth.

He pulled back slowly, keeping his arms firmly on the wall behind her.

"Did you mean what you said before?"

She asked it so quietly he barely heard her, but he could tell from her curious stare exactly what she was asking.

"I mean everything I say Bones. I really care about you, your my best friend. But the feelings I have for you, it's more than friendship. It always had been." he confesses, watching her face carefully for her reaction.

She just smiled, pulling him even closer to her.

"Me too" she said, placing a kiss on the side of his neck.

He held her tightly, her hand running up and down her back slowly. This didn't feel real. He was in shock that this was happening. Things like this never happen to him.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you Bones" he said into her hair.

She pulled back form him, looking at him incredulously.

"Booth, you have the kindest heart of anyone I have ever known. Why would you even think that?"

"Because... I wasn't always who I am today. I did some terrible things...and I just can't imagine..." he trailed off, a tear escaping down his cheek.

"You can't imagine what?" she asked softly, wiping away the tear and holding his face in her hands.

"I just can;t help thinking if I had succeeded when I was a kid, if I hadn't been found when I was... I would never have even got to know you Bones..."

He gazed into her eyes, watching as the electric blue staring back at him became glassy with unshed tears.

"But you did get found Booth. And we did get to meet, and you got to have Parker. All of what happened back then makes you the man you are today."

"But if I didn't... I would have..."

She placed a finger over his lips, and wrapped her arm around him again.

"I'm here for you Seeley. If you want to talk about it."

He pulled away from her, running a hand through his hair. He shook his head in a unconvincing manner.

"I can't. I don't want you to think of me like that." he began to pace the kitchen in front of her.

"look I;m not going to push you Booth. But you listened to me, and telling you was the hardest thing I think I have ever done in my entire life. You know I will never think anything different of you, no matter what you tell me right?"

He nodded, tears freely falling from his eyes as he slid down to sit on the floor, his back against the cupboards. Why couldn't he stop this? He hated being so weak and pathetic in front of her.

She cautiously stepped closer to him, sitting between his legs on her knees so she was facing him.

She took him by the hands, turning them over so she could trace the marks on the inside of his wrists. She ran her finger over each tattoo, studying the symbols carefully.

"Strength..." she said quietly, recognising the symbols immediately. "Do these have something to do with it?" she asked carefully.

He just nodded, gulping back the lump that had formed in his throat.

She kissed his lips swiftly, before making herself comfortable on the floor in front of him.

"Take your time Seeley, you can tell me when you ready. We do have all night..."

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_Hope you enjoyed! I appreciate all reviews and comments! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Hey all... thank you so much for your support! I really appreciate it. Thanks heaps to everyone who has left a review! It really makes it worthwhile!

Hope you enjoy this chapter... were going a bit more into Booth's back story here. Also as previously mentioned there is some self harm in this chapter. Please be wary if your not into reading that sort of thing! Enjoy!

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Chapter 4

After some time on the floor of his kitchen, she offered him her hands and pulled him back towards the couch. She poured him another drink, and he gulped back the alcohol quickly. He looked at her with an apologetic look in his eyes, and she wondered if he was sorry for what he had not told her yet, or for what he was about to tell her. She tentatively placed a hand behind him, running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. Her sudden touch made him smile, and he felt comfortable enough to put his hand on her knee and trace his fingers up and down her leg. He knew himself, and he knew he needed to be doing something while he spoke. If his hands were not busy he would completely lose it, and he couldn't do that in front of her. Not again anyway. He moved even closer to her, sneaking a sideways glace at her as he shifted his body. She looked content as she stroked the back of his neck and ran her hand down his arm soothingly. Over the course of the night their relationship seemed to have shifted from friends to something more. He sure as hell wasn't complaining. He took a deep breath, knowing that as soon as he got this off his chest he would feel better. The sooner they finished off what they had started tonight, the quicker they would be able to start whatever it was that had just happened between them.

"You have to understand that I was just a kid, and at the time I just couldn't see any other way out. I definitely didn't have the life experience that I have today..." he stuttered, trying to get the words out as quickly as he could. He felt her hand slide into his own, and he got a wave of sudden courage that he had never experienced before.

"My Dad, he used to drink a lot. He was a pretty horrible guy, and the sad part is I have no idea if that was who he really was, or if it was just the booze that made him that way. For my entire childhood, whenever I would wake up in the morning, or come home from school, or need help with my homework...he would be completely wasted."

He paused briefly, and he felt her hand grasp his own just a little bit tighter.

"I tried everything from hiding the booze, to tipping it down the sink, not to mention hiding his wallet and cash. But it never worked. He always figured it out. He was always angry, or pissed off about something. He always had this look in his eye that made me think he might kill me at any second."

"That must have been hard for you, and Jarrod." She said softly.

"Yeah it was." he said, looking at her briefly. "But Jarrod, he was just a kid. It was hard for him to understand why his dad was such a deadbeat while all the other kids loved their Dad's and did all this amazing stuff with them. I used to try with him, I really did. I would make his lunch in the morning, take him to and from school, take him to his sports games on the weekend, help him with his homework, and put him to bed every night. I had to get a job because we never had any money or food in the house, and I was always so exhausted that I hardly ever showed up at school, let alone learnt anything."

"You were his father figure Booth. You gave up your own childhood to give your brother one. That is a truly selfless thing to do."

He scoffed a bit, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her in close to his side.

"Yeah and look at us now. Jarrod pretty much hates me." He said the sadness evident in his tone.

"That's not true Booth. He doesn't hate you, not at all. I've seen the way he looks at you. He looks up to you, like you're what he hopes to be. He may not know how to show it yet, but it's definitely there..." she leaned her head on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of her forehead gently.

"Thanks Bones..."

She smiled, leaving a kiss on his cheek and then settling back against his shoulder.

"As we got older, the angrier he got. Jarrod and I would come home, and he would just lose it. You have no idea how many times I would have to shove Jarrod into a room, because I could just see it in his eyes. It's not like I didn't give what I got back to him, but he was bigger than me, and a lot stronger. This one night he got so angry over something he whacked me over the back of the head with a broken bottle. I blacked out, and when I woke up a few hours later, it was like he was just waiting. He started kicking me in the stomach, yelling about how I had gotten blood on the carpet."

She felt tears in her eyes as she sat up and looked at him, his body trembling as he relived the pain.

"I was spitting up blood for hours. I took Jarrod and drove myself to the hospital, which is when they called my Grandfather. When he arrived he knew, and he said he wasn't letting us go back there again. So after I was discharged from the hospital we moved in with him. Things were good until school told me that I was failing and would have to repeat the year. I just got so angry you know, because none of them had any idea what I had been through. I started throwing stuff and kicking furniture. They sent me to the school counselor and as soon as he asked me about the bruises on my face I started punching him too."

She rested her hand over his heart again, feeling his heart beat quicken with every word he said.

"I went home disgusted with myself Bones. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I hated my father for turning me into him, but more than that I hated myself for letting it happen. My grandfather was out, and Jarrod was absorbed in his video games. I wasn't even thinking anymore, I was so angry with myself. I took a knife from the kitchen and locked myself in the bathroom."

She rubbed his back soothingly as he leaned forward, his head in his hand. It was hard to ignore that he was now in the exact same position she herself had been in several hours earlier.

"It was all so easy Bones. I didn't think twice about it. Just pushed the knife into my wrists and let the blood drip onto the floor. I'm not sure how long it took, but the next thing I remember was someone banging on the door. I remember hearing Jarrod's voice, saying my name over and over again."

She let out the breath she was holding, hating that he had been through something as horrible as this. He didn't deserve it, no one did.

"When I woke up I was in hospital with a headache and bandages around my wrists."

He sighed deeply, looking back at her from his crouched position.

"I was just a mixed up kid Bones. I didn't know what I was doing. I am so thankful that he found me when he did. I had no idea what I was going to be giving up..."

He gazed at her intently, his eyes shining with un-shed tears. She pulled him back onto the couch by his shoulders, wrapping him into her embrace. She placed a hand on the back of his head as she felt his warm tears against his neck.

"I'm not going anywhere Booth. We're going to get through this. I'll always be here, I promise..." she whispered in a calming tone.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N. So this is the last little part of this story! Thanks heaps to everyone who read, reviewed or story alerted it. Hope you all enjoyed reading!

Please let me know what you thought of the story! It would be great to know what you all thought.

Enjoy! Loza.

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Chapter 5 – Two Days Later

His head had felt like it was spinning since that night, the night that they officially crossed from being partners and friends into something more. After sharing their stories, he felt as though they were now linked in some way. He had no idea how or why, but it was a very noticeable feeling. She stayed with him that night, and sure they had spent the night with each other before, but it was never in the same bed. When he noticed her eye begin to flutter closed on his couch, he kissed her lightly, pulled her up and led her to his room. Even though it was the first time he had done it, somehow it felt like he had done it a hundred times. He had slid into bed, pulling her down with him and wrapping his arms around her firmly. He wasn't sure if it was because she was so tired, or because of the whole night in general, but she let him do it. No protests, no arguments...she just let him hold her as they drifted off to sleep.

Now, after a long day at work he was on his way to pick her up. They hadn't really discussed what had happened the other night, even though they had seen each other several times throughout their latest case. It was as though there was an unspoken agreement between them that what had happened was a step in the right direction, but neither of them knew exactly what direction they were heading in. He finally had the courage to ask her this afternoon if he could take her to dinner. She smiled at him, and agreed instantly. He figured that was a good sign.

He knocked on her door, and when she opened it she literally took his breath away.

"Wow... you look... you look amazing..." he stuttered, his eyes sweeping over the figure hugging black dress and high heels she was sporting.

"Thanks. It was Angela's choice actually..."

He smiled, pulling her to him and kissing her deeply.

"You have no idea how many times I have wanted to do that over the last few days..." he murmured against her lips.

"I think I have some idea..." she said, returning his kiss with just as much passion.

When they finally broke apart, and she looked at him with desire filled eyes, his charm smile suddenly appeared. She looked at him curiously as he began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked in confusion.

"I get the feeling were not going to make it to dinner."

She smiled back at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her.

"Maybe not tonight..." she whispered seductively in his ear.

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"Wow... I... I don't know what to say..." he muttered, as they lay in bed listening to the sounds of the distant traffic outside her apartment.

"That was amazing Booth..." she said, her breathing heavy.

"Well I guess four years worth of sexual tension does that to people..." he said smiling.

She laughed, laying her head on top of his toned chest.

"Yeah I guess it does."

She laced her fingers with his, listening to his breathing and the steady rhythm of his heart beat.

"You never told me why you got these?" she said, tracing the tattoo on the inside of his wrist with her finger.

"I went and got them done as soon as the scars healed up. I knew what a massive mistake I had made. I guess I just wanted something to remind me, in case the thought ever entered my mind again. I needed something there that told me I was stronger than that."

She nodded, letting her hand shift from tracing his wrist to his chest.

"Well I like them Booth. They make you the man you are today."

He smiled down at her, tracing over her hip with his hand.

"I can't believe I didn't know you had a tattoo Bones. After all this time..." his fingers traced over the letters engraved into her ivory skin.

"Well you never asked. And I guess you have never had a need to see my hips without a shirt on before now."

He laughed, quickly moving her off his chest and flipping her so she was underneath him.

"I guess not... Didn't mean I never wanted to see you without a shirt on though..."

She whacked his arm playfully, leaning up to capture his lips with her own.

He pulled back, looking down at her in a way that made her feel needed, wanted and loved all at the same time.

"What are the chances that I have strength tattooed on my wrists, and you have strength tattooed down your hip? That's not just a coincidence right?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

"No... Actually I think that means we are a perfect match Booth."

_- The End -_


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